At Grace Church (as with many other churches) we hold to a view of male-female roles in very specific contexts known as complementarianism. This idea may be new to some. It is therefore important to clarify what we do and don’t believe.
To my mind, much within feminism
has been a very necessary corrective to an unhealthy dominance by men that has
shown little concern for women’s contribution to society or the particular
burdens they have had to carry. This cannot be justified by the Bible. God
created men and women equally in his image, and commissioned them both to
“subdue the world” through industry, as well as with filling it by raising
godly children (Gen 1v26-28). Both Adam and Eve were to cultivate the garden
(2v15-18) and parent the kids. But our conviction from the Bible is that God
wants this to be worked out through men and women complementing one-another (in certain contexts only) by each playing a different role that gives
expression to differing strengths.
In short, complementarianism holds
that men and women are created equal by God, but assigned and designed for
differing roles in family life in which they operate as a team (Gen 1v26-28,
2v18), patterning the union and delight in each other of Christ and the church,
who work together in nurturing spiritual children and doing good in the world.
Husbands are called to lovingly oversee their family, and especially by taking
primary responsibility for ensuring spiritual development, protection and
provision for their wife and children (Eph 5v25-6v4). And the compelling wisdom
of this is that that by doing so, the husband frees his wife to be able to
focus for however many years on her primary responsibility for having and
nurturing younger children if she is able, and whatever else she engages in
within the home, church or world (1 Tim 5v9-14). So, made in God’s image, both
men and women are to display his character, but with men expressing that in
marriage by imaging his role of gracious-ruler, and women his role of
life-giver (the meaning of the name Eve).
But it is important to note that this is
about primary responsibilities, and so shouldn’t be understood in an
overly prescriptive manner. With a concern not to undermine the God-given
relational dynamic, and with a consideration of the needs of the children, the
call to be a team means that the couple will discuss and agree a pattern for
their life together in and outside the home, that best fits the circumstances,
personalities, and combination of gifts that the Lord has given them. For some,
this may necessitate the wife being the primary earner and the husband the
primary carer. Nevertheless, the husband will continue to oversee everything,
making whatever sacrifices are necessary to ensure the flourishing of his wife
and family as he serves rather than domineers them, just as Christ does for his
church. And whatever the balance, as the wife gets on with her own activity,
she will inevitably have a focus on children when young, and in all things will
respect her husband’s oversight by readily acting inline with what she knows of
his will so far as it is not sinful or abusive, just as the church does to
Christ.
Because,
from Genesis to Revelation the Bible grounds all this in creation and in Christ’s
relationship with the church (Gen 2v15-18, Eph 5v21-32, Rev 21v1-2), we believe
that complementarianism should be expressed in all times and cultures, and is
important in helping marriages to operate in the way God has designed them to,
and in picturing to us, our children, and others, the sort of relationship we
are called into with the Lord Jesus. Moreover, in an age when men are
increasingly unsure of their role, gender is being blurred, women are often
treated appallingly by men, and marriages regularly break down due to a lack of
responsibility in husbands, this teaching could not be more relevant or
important to uphold. And in order to affirm and uphold it, the Bible teaches
that the principle of male-oversight in families is also to be reflected in the
church as God’s family, by reserving the spiritual oversight of men to men (1
Tim 2v11-15), whilst encouraging women to be active in all other ministries
according to their God-given abilities. In practice, this means that the overall
leadership in our church is given by men, as is the regular authoritative
teaching of mixed-gender contexts, whilst women (and men not in these roles) lead,
teach, and minister in all sorts of other ways.
What
follows, is an article Bethan and I have found helpful in addressing concerns
people may have in our culture with these sort of teachings.
Complementarianism for dummies.
By Mary Kassian
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/complementarianism-for-dummies/
Accessed 6/9/21
A little while ago a reporter asked me to define “complementarianism.”
She didn’t know what it meant. And that’s not entirely surprising.
The word “complementarity” doesn’t appear in the Bible, but is used by
people to summarize a biblical concept. It’s like the word “Trinity.” The Bible
never uses the word “Trinity,” but it undeniably points to a triune God:
Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
Though the concept of male-female complementarity can be seen from
Genesis through Revelation, the label “complementarian” has only been in use
for about 25 years. It was coined by a group of scholars who got together to
try and come up with a word to describe someone who ascribes to the historic,
biblical idea that male and female are equal, but different. The need for such
a label arose in response to the proposition that equality means
role-interchangeability (egalitarianism)—-a concept first forwarded and
popularized in evangelical circles in the 1970s and 1980s by “Biblical
Feminists.” I’ve read several articles lately from people who misunderstand
and/or misrepresent the complementarian view. I was at the meeting 25 years ago
where the word “complementarian” was chosen. So I think I have a pretty good
grasp on the word’s definition. So I want to boil it down for you. In emulation
of the popular “for Dummies” series of instructional books, I’ll give you a
“Complementarianism for Dummies” primer on the intended meaning of the word.
1. It’s complementary . . . not complimentary.
The word “complementarian” is derived from the word “complement” (not
the word “compliment”). The dictionary defines “complement” as follows:
Something that completes or makes
perfect; either of two parts or things needed to complete the whole;
counterparts.
Complementarians believe that God created male and female as
complementary expressions of the image of God—-male and female are counterparts
in reflecting his glory. Having two sexes expands the view. Though both sexes
bear God’s image fully on their own, each does so in a unique and distinct way.
Male and female in relationship reflects truths about Jesus that aren’t
reflected by male alone or female alone.
2. June Cleaver is so 1950s and so not the definition
of complementarity.
In our name-the-concept meeting, someone mentioned the word
“traditionalism,” since our position is what Christians have traditionally
believed. But that was quickly nixed. The word “traditionalism” smacks of
“tradition.” Complementarians believe that the Bible’s principles supersede
tradition. They can be applied in every time and culture. June Cleaver is a
traditional, American, TV stereotype. She is not the
complementarian ideal. Period. (And exclamation mark!) Culture has
changed. What complementarity looks like now is different than what it looked
like 60 or 70 years ago. So throw out the cookie-cutter stereotype. It does not
apply.
3. A proletariat-bourgeois-type hierarchy has no place in
complementarity.
Feminist theorists maintain that male-female role differences create an
over-under hierarchy in which men, who are like the privileged, elite, French
landowners (bourgeois) of the 18th century, keep women—-who are like the
lower, underprivileged class of workers (proletariat)—-subservient.
Complementarians, however, do not believe that men, as a group, rank higher
than women. Men are not superior to women. Women are not the “second sex.” Men
have a responsibility to exercise headship in their homes and church family,
and Christ revolutionized the definition of what that means. Authority is not
the right to rule—-it’s the responsibility to serve. We rejected the term
“hierarchicalism” because people associate it with an inherent, self-proclaimed
right to rule.
4. Complementarity does not condone the patriarchal, societal oppression
of women.
Technically, “patriarchy” simply means a social organization in which
the father is the head of the family. But since the 1970s, feminists have
redefined the historic use of the term and attributed negative connotations to
it. Nowadays, people regard patriarchy as the oppressive rule of men. “Patriarchy”
is regarded as a misogynistic system in which women are put down and squelched.
That’s why we rejected the term “patriarchalism.” Complementarians stand
against the oppression of women. We want to see women flourish, and we believe
they do so when men and women together live according to God’s Word.
5. Complementarians believe God designs male and female to reflect
complementary truths about Jesus.
Now that we’ve cleared up some misconceptions and false terminology
about complementarianism, it’s time to give you a basic definition.
Essentially, a complementarian is a person who believes that God created
male and female to reflect complementary truths about Jesus. That’s the
bottom-line meaning of the word. Complementarians believe that males were
designed to shine the spotlight on Christ’s relationship to the church (and the
LORD God’s relationship to Christ) in a way that females cannot, and that females
were designed to shine the spotlight on the church’s relationship to Christ
(and Christ’s relationship to the LORD God) in a way that males cannot. Who we
are as male and female is ultimately not about us. It’s about testifying to the
story of Jesus. We do not get to dictate what manhood and womanhood are all
about. Our Creator does. That’s the basis of complementarianism. If you hear
someone tell you that complementarity means you have to get married, have
dozens of babies, be a stay-at-home housewife, clean toilets, completely forego
a career, chuck your brain, tolerate abuse, watch Leave It to Beaver reruns,
bury your gifts, deny your personality, and bobble-head nod “yes” to everything
men say, don’t believe her. That’s a straw (wo)man misrepresentation. It’s not
complementarianism.
Mary Kassian is the author of several books, including Girls Gone Wise in
a World Gone Wild and True Woman 101:
Divine Design. She teaches women’s studies modules at The
Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky. Mary and her husband
enjoy biking in the Canadian Rockies, not far from their home in Edmonton,
Canada. Check out her blog at GirlsGoneWise.com.